They Should Just Assign Titles

Apparently, my mother doesn't believe in vacations.

So, I've had a dentist appointment and a consultation with the audiologist so far, and I'm going to have to go back to the audiologist at least once. As soon as the money comes through from wherever mom got the loan from I have to go for my fitting, which is going to take at least an hour, and then I have to go back again when the hearing aids come in. Hopefully, we'll get them programmed right the first time. If I don't get all that done during this week, then I'm going to have to make some sort of day trip back, which I totally don't want to do.

Also, did you know that you can get hearing aids in different colors? They have bright red ones. Hearing aids, the hip new fashion accessory.

Mom wants me to paint my room while I'm home, but I can't just, like, paint it and get it over with, oh no. You need to put the primer on first. Which means that I am going to have to paint that stupid ceiling twice. I dripped enough paint on my face the first time. And Lord forbid the paint actually go on the wall easily. No, it has to be all, "Oh no, bumpy wall, let's go on unevenly." Stupid friggin paint.

And that paint roller hurt my hands. I have very delicate hands people.

Then the movers are coming on Friday, the reason mom wanted me to get my room painted this week. That, of course, means that I'm goign to have to help lug that ginormous bed and even bigger dresser all the way up to the attic.

You know, I didn't even want to move here in the first place. I don't see why I should have to be doing all this work, when I spend less than half the year living here.

To top it all off, I woke up this morning to find that one of the cats has decided to make my head into his pillow, which of course kicked my newfound allergies into high gear and my eyeballs feel like someone poured itching powder on them while I was sleeping. And it would appear to be time for more benadryl, because I just sneezed, like, fifty times in a row.

On the plus side, I got a hair cut, and my hair looks much healthier now.

Dude, people, the dinning hall had good food tonight. The breadsticks were soft. I went back for seconds. That's not normal. Let's hope it lasts.

I may, possibly, maybe have been exaggerating my 'not eating enough' when I'm around Renee for the past day or two. I know it's immature and it's just going to make her believe that I don't eat even more than she already does, but it gives me some sort of twisted satisfaction. I figure, if she's going to worry about me, then she can at least worry with good reason.

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits: "When I'm Gone" 3 Doors Down

Waking Up: "Somebody Told Me" The Killers

First Day At School: "Ain't No Mountain High" Diana Ross & The Supremes & The Temptations

Puppy Love: "Sunshine" Keane

Fight Song: "Helter Skelter" The Beatles

Breaking Up: "Painter Song" Norah Jones

Prom: "Everything Will Be Alright" The Killers

Life is Good: "Rhythm of the Night" Valeria

Driving: "Bedshaped" Keane

Flashback: "Indian Outlaw" Tim McGraw

True Love: "Invisible Man" Theory of a Deadman

Wedding: "Any Time At All" The Beatles

Moment of Triumph: "All I Ask of You" Phantom of the Opera

Death Scene: "Pushing Me Away" Linkin Park

Funeral Song: "Harvest" Neil Young

End Credits: "Tell Me Why" Los Lonely Boys

I just want to say, that even though a class may be ridiculously easy, that doesn't mean that you should go around telling complete strangers that are in that class that, "You just do easy stuff." especially when you're not in that class.

Also, I'm not afraid of you. I'm annoyed by you, and I'm trying to seem as uncommunicative as possibly so that you'll stop talking to me.

And quit looking at my computer screen!

Okay, just because you don't see me eating, doesn't meen I don't. I eat all the time, constantly. Just ask Molly, she'll tell you. Just because a certain somebody doesn't see me eating, doesn't meen I have some sort of eating disorder.

You know, I thought that when I started putting on weight people would stop telling me that I don't eat enough. Seriously, how fat do I need to get?

I totally want to do this, but I'd probably manage to kill myself in thirteen different ways if I tried.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI

I talked to my mommy today. She's sending me candy for Valentine's Day. I'm hoping for Godiva milk chocolate truffles. You know how much I like those things. They're like heaven in my mouth.

I've decided to drop Bio of Women. I like biology, but I have to work at it to get a good grade, and I'm too distracted right now to do that. There just seems to be so much going on right now that I can't stop thinking about. It's not really bad stuff, it's just that there's so much of it.

I blame it on that car accident. I was doing just fine before that. Then, all of the sudden, some asshole doesn't know how to use a friggin turn signal and I almost die. Then mom goes and sells the house and moves us to an ugly house in some crappy neighborhood in Tarentum, where they fished a dead guy out of the river. Mom hates Rob, and I hate Rob, and pretty much everyone hates Rob except for the one person who can actually do anything about it, who is Ashley. Or at least, she would be able to do something about it if she weren't a weak, stupid little girl who clings to men and who lost what little sense she had when she married a controlling asshole. And now she's got this beautiful little girl who I'm terrified is going to grow up to be as pathetic as her mother is.

I don't want to feel this way about my sister.

And then this thing happened with Aileen. If she doesn't want to be my friend anymore, then I'm perfectly fine with that. I really am. Scratch that, no I'm not. She used to say that friends came before everything except family. She once told me that she saw me as a big sister. Now, she doesn't want to have anything to do with me because I want to talk about things other than Asia.

I trusted her. I took her at her word when she said she was my friend. I told her things. I shared with her, and I tried to open up with her, even though that isn't something I'm very good at at all. I thought I had gotten closer to Aileen than I had gotten to anybody in, well, ever. I don't understand how, after I trusted her and opened up to her that she would just throw our friendship away. Does she realize how hard that was for me? Did it not occur to her that my telling her that I have trouble trusting people might mean that I might, maybe, possibly could have trouble trusting people? Does she just not care? I told her things that I had never told anyone before, because I was trying to be more open (because Lord knows I have problems letting people get close) and I thought she was my friend and that she cared. Why is it, that when I finally decided to trust someone, she turned out to be a self-absorbed bitch?

So I'm angry. I'm angry at her and I'm angry at myself. I hate that when I finally decided to trust someone, she didn't deserve it. And I'm angry at her because she didn't deserve it. I'm angry at her because she hurt me and because she's hurting herself. How is she going to be happy in life if she doesn't trust people? I want her to be happy. I'm angry at her and I want really badly to walk up to her in front of all her friends and family, and tell her exactly what I think of her, and make everyone see what kind of a person she is, and make her see what kind of a person she is, but I want her to be happy. I'm afraid that she won't be.

So I guess we bot have trouble trusting people, but at least I try not to take it out on my friends. That's my problem, not their's.

I wish I could hate her, but I just can't stop myself from caring.

On top of all that there's this stupid hearing loss thing. I need hearing aids, and the doctor doesn't know if my hearing will get worse, and if it does how fast it'll go. It's not so bad. I could deal with this if it was just this, but there's all this other stuff and this is just not helping.

And I should have known. I should have known I was over it. I thought that I had dealt with it when it happened, but I should have realized that I hadn't dealt with it at all. I just pushed it away to be dealt with later, and hey, look, it's later.

Why did she have to bring him into my life? Why did he have to do that? How could he do that, and why couldn't I have dealt with it back then when it happened? That way, it would be over with and I wouldn't have to deal with it now.

I just can't stop thinking about it and it makes me so angry at her, but not at him. I want to be angry at him. He deserves it.

I'm thinking about pnc-ing Bio of Women. I'll have to take another women's studies class, but I think I've got the time. The class is interesting and all, but I don't test well and if I perform the way I did on the first test for the rest of the class, then I'm screwed.

Aileen was in the bathroom this morning when I went to brush my teeth. Didn't say a word to me, in fact, she even angled her body away from me. What is up with that? Seriously.

...but she's still not allowed in S.P.O.M. She brought back biscuits from Red Lobster. I love these things.

Molly and I watched tv last night, we haven't done that as much this semester. It's weird. All I have to say is that I totally don't get why it's okay for a non-white person to make race jokes, but I have to feel guilty for laughing at them. Seriously, it's not like I personally enslaved anyone. I'd have remembered that, I'm pretty sure.

I skipped classes yesterday, for no good reason. I tell myself that it was just one day, but that doesn't make me feel any better when I remember how proud of me my mom keeps telling me she is.

Your Birthdate: November 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause. You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too. Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others. You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress. Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities Your power color: Crimson red Your power symbol: Snowflake Your power month: September

So, I've calmed down and am able to write about 'the incident' in a cool and collected manner. Unfortunately for you, you gossip hound you, all I have to say is that Aileen is a bitch.

Also, she's going to be that old lady down the street that all the kids are afraid of because she sits on her porch all day glaring at them and muttering to herself, but really she's trapped in her perpetually foul mood by regrets of pushing away all her friends to achieve her ill-defined, not very ambitious ambitions, and is just waiting for a precocious child to break through her walls and teach her the value of friendship and make her into the most beloved old lady in all the land...

At least, until she has to stop being friends with aforementioned precocious child (we'll call her Sally), because Sally asked her how the little people got into the tv instead of asking her an in-depth question on buddhism.

Also, I'm a very bitter person by nature.

I'll post more when I've calmed down a little bit, but I just want to express how hurt I am, and how angry I am with myself that I wasn't able to see how little I meant to her. I don't like being made to feel like some worthless impediment.

I sure am disappointed now.

It occurs to me, that an hour and a half would be a perfectly suitable amount of time for a class if certain professors would just stop talking. Yeesh, how can anyone talk that much, everyday, and not be single-handedly supporting the throat losenge business? Dude, seriously.

Actually accomplishing stuff always makes me feel so...accomplished.

Okay, so I didn't actually get all that much accomplished. I did my laundry. If I were really feeling productive I would have started on my reading for this week, but let's not expect too much.

Seriously? It's not even 10:30 yet. That's in the a.m. people.

So what, precisely, does one write about on lj? I considered talking about how I feel like an old toy that's been cast aside for the newer, shinier, more obnoxious version, but I don't want my first post to make me sound like an insecure, self-involved bitch.

Then again...

I'm beginning to wish a certain someone had never become my roommate last year. Maybe then I wouldn't have gotten as close to her as I did, and wouldn't now feel like a passing amusement.

Sees me as a big sister my ass.